CM Punk’s “Heel Turn” Rules

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“I know you guys are havin’ fun, but I’m here to ruin it and tell you to smell things.”

I put that in quotes up there, because I despise The Rock.  The only reason CM Punk’s lariat to The Rock’s stupid face is considered a heel turn, is because tens of thousands of dummies love his nonsensical catch phrases.  I don’t smell what you’re cooking, dickhead, because you are not a chef.  You are also as transparent as the drunk piss I just took, so that nonsense could not be in reference to any schemes you might be, “cookin'” up.

That said, given the context of the story and given that I hate The Rock, it was awesome to see Punk lay out that mouthy bore.  I’ll give it to The Rock that he sells like a motherfucker, but that’s about it.  I just feel like this guy is unnecessary.  I so desperately want to see younger, more hungry guys, like Sandow, be a part of something this big.  They can’t make it there if catch phrase-spouting, couldn’t give a fuck less guys come in to remind the audience of their existence.

I was enjoying Bryan’s reaction to the announcement that AJ was the new Raw GM.  Hell, I was enjoying the announcement, period.  Then, the apparent chef comes in to remind us that he still cooks things.  He ruined my fun, but apparently, no one else’s.  I can’t tell whether or not I hate Maiavia, because he’s so good at being a heel or because he just sucks.  I can’t believe that he’s so brilliant to think that his nonsense phrases are what makes him such a piece of shit, therefore making him a great heel.  I’m not ready to accept he’s that brilliant.

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CM Punk could have carried this heel turn without the help of this cooker of things.

Any-fucking-hoozitts, I want to express why I love Punk’s heel turn so much, as if you give a shit.  It’s not just because he clotheslined and GTS’d The Rock.  No, it’s because all it took was a fucking clothesline.  It was so simple, yet so effective, because of the subtle build within the episode.  Yes, I used “subtle” in reference to wrestling.  He didn’t need a beer truck, a flaming table, a curse word, a chainsaw, a high spot or anything “Attitude” Era fans think of as a way to get heat.  Nope, just a fucking clothesline.  It was one of the bigger mark-out moments in my adult life, because it was built so well.  I guess I have to give The Rock credit, dammit.  This worked for many people, including myself, who personally despises The Rock. God damn me.

Anyway, Punk’s heel turn on Raw 1000 WILL go down in wrestling history, because he was artfully built up for a year as a face, then with ONE FUCKING LARIAT, it came crashing down to heel.  It was great storytelling, helped by body-language and mixed in with wrestling’s over-the-top horseshit.

I may have turned myself into a Rock appreciate-er while writing this, but I will never find his Oompa Loompa reference funny.  Fuuuuuck thaaat!

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~ by brian on July 27, 2012.

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